Let me step on my soapbox for a minute.

The other day Stu and I headed out to the suburbs to return a shirt I had received for Christmas. (Apparently this was the only location for this store in Houston . . .) Anyway, this store was located in a regular old mall, and immediately upon walking in I felt uncomfortable.

I've avoided the mall lately since I tend to find myself wanting everything I see, which is not good when one is on a budget. (Plus it's the principle of the thing. I don't need more stuff!) This particular mall was an overstimulating zoo. My senses just simply felt attacked. Everything was from the floor to the ceiling decorations to the storefronts was brightly colored, loud music was blasting, and the smell of Cinnabon was drifting down the way. It was like being at the Discovery Zone, only with stores where you would be enticed to spend to your heart's content.

I don't remember malls being this assaulting. It gives me a headache just thinking about it! Growing up, the closest mall was a dreary shade of greens, mauves, and white. Is this a new trend? Are there other malls like this in Suburbia? Or am I just overreacting?

Okay, rant over.

Seriously, though, I want to pursue godly simplicity in my life, and it can be so difficult when surrounded by places that purposefully exist to drain my pocketbook.

I'm looking forward to this weekend for no particular reason. It's one weekend closer to my sister visiting me, and one weekend closer to the Super Bowl, but the weekend itself holds no special excitement for me. And I like it that way.

After having so much fun last weekend, I'm hoping to get several things accomplished--starting some seeds, cleaning the bathroom and kitchen (again!), finishing a book, and tackling a sewing project. For tonight I plan on curling up on the couch with a cup of chamomile tea and a good book. It's my favorite winter pastime, and the Lord has seen fit to give us a beautiful cold evening.

The weekend is a glimpse of what my life would be like if I could stay at home. It can be hard sometimes to stay content in the situation God has me in right now, since working full-time is not my cup of tea. Sure, I enjoy aspects of it, but I would love to be able to set my own schedule and accomplish more at home than is possible now. I would love to be able to spend a week focusing on one sewing project, or a whole morning puttering in my garden. I would love to have a home that is clean most of the time, and a home where I can create a warm place for my husband and friends. *sigh* Pardon me. Here I go rambling again. It's not that I'm unhappy, I just long for other things. Good things, but not the best for me yet. God is just having me practice my patience, I guess.

I mentioned awhile back how fatigued I was feeling, and I think by the grace of God I have finally come through that slump. I think overall I was feeling very stressed from an unfortunate work situation (that I'm going to keep private, at least for now), which was playing itself out in some minor physical symptoms. I mentioned that I thought my desire was also stemming from my longing to be a stay-at-home mom, and while I still strongly desire that, I don't think that was the main thing.

I think I have come to terms with the way things are at work, and I have finally accepted them. I'm sure God has a reason for keeping me in this situation, but I just don't see it yet. But at least I have been given peace. What a wonderful thing that is! I feel much more at ease balancing work and home responsibilities, and while I still struggle (the actual situation hasn't changed at all) I'm excited to be moving forward.

Life has not been stressful lately. Busy yes, but not stressful. Even so, I have been feeling so tired lately. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I'm tired at my job, and tired when I get home. I tend to fall asleep easily on the couch these days. I think my fatigue is stemming from something more serious. Lately I've been dicontent with life in general. Working full time, as much as I enjoy it, is not where I want to be. I want to be home, raising a family. Hubby and I have decided to wait a few more years before starting a family, mainly for financial reasons (I'm the only one bringing home a paycheck!) So I know rationally things won't be how I want them for a little while longer, but it still doesn't stop the ache I feel longing to hold my own child in my arms.

I recently saw this post on Amy's Humble Musings, and this comment on her post How to “find your spot” resonated with me:
"If you’re not happy where you’re at, you won’t be happy wherever you’re going." She was talking about real estate, but it can most definitely be applied to all of life. If I'm not happy working, I won't be happy at home. Contentment shouldn't be contingent on one's circumstances. It's a condition of the heart. As Christians, we should be content wherever we are at, for that is where the Lord has placed us.

I know this, so I'm hoping my heart can quickly catch up with my head. I received this note of encouragement in my inbox this morning, and it so easily can be applied to my circumstance:

The job has been given to me to do.
Therefore it is a gift.
Therefore it is a privilege.
Therefore it is an offering I may make to God.
Therefore it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him.
Therefore it is the route to sanctity.

--Elisabeth Eliot

So I've been meaning to highlight some of the sites that I especially like that are on our sidebar. These are rather recent websites and blogs I've come across, and I am eager to share them!

DesignTalk: Home Design Help
I came across this website/blog when I was looking for help with my living room, and I really like it! They answer questions about home design and have a lot of great ideas. They are clear, easy to understand, and illustrate their ideas with pictures which is nice for visual people like me.

PDF Online
Do you have a file that you need converted to a PDF, but don't have Adobe Acrobat Pro? Well this site is a great resource for you! It's fast, easy, and best of all - free. They do a variety of documents (including Microsoft Word), and there's no registration necessary. I used this service especially when I was searching for a job two years ago.

DivShare
Since I work in the printing industry, I am often having to transfer really large files to and from clients. When something is too big to email, I recommend DivShare to them. No complaints yet!

What the Font?!
With a clever name, this site has been very useful to me as a designer! I can upload an image with the font I want to identify, and they come back with their options. If you don't have an image, check out Identifont for a similar service.

ChiliTried
For those who are familiar with ChiliHead, she now has a new site with product reviews! I especially enjoyed her review of a just-for-redheads makeup brand. :-) I can imagine this site will be a valuable resource as I continue to learn about how to be a homemaker.

Number Gossip
Okay, this site is just for fun. :-) You type in a number, and it tells you all the cool things about that number. You might appreciate this more if you are a math lover.

Finding Contentment in the Suburbs
Started by Lindsey from Enjoy the Journey fame, a blog about avoiding the common pitfall of always wanting more-more-more money. This site comes at a perfect time for me, as my husband and I are approaching (albeit slowly!) that same quandary. It's not about get-rich-quick, but about being content with what God's given you.

Frugal Living Journal
While we're on the subject of finances, I have enjoyed this website which gives practical tips of living frugally. Being a good steward of God's resources and being content with what He's given to you go hand-in-hand.

Happy Tails
Animal lover that I am, I was excited to see that Mrs. B has a blog devoted just to animals! She already has posted some great advice about dogs, and I look forward to future posts. It makes me want to start a blog about my own pets...

Living in Peru
Okay, I'm not sure if ANY of our readers will find this interesting, but here is a site all about living in Peru - AND it's in English! As most of you know, I grew up as a missionary kid in Peru so I always enjoy finding resources like this. :-) You can read my 10 Things About Peru here to learn more about this beautiful country.

That's all for now! Happy reading. :-) And if you have a site you recommend, let us know!

Do everything without grumbling or arguing. Phil. 2:14

Our pastor has been preaching on the book of Numbers the past several weeks. When he started this series after Christmas, I was a little curious as to what he could possibly preach about, since many of the chapters are just census information. However, Numbers is a rich book about the Lord and His people in the wilderness, and our pastor has given his congregation much to ponder over. I've been meaning to write about one sermon he gave towards the beginning of the series, which was on Numbers 11. This sermon really convicted me about my own life. Here is the passage from which he spoke:

^{Numbers 11:4-15, 31-34
4} The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, "If only we had meat to eat! ⁵ We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost—also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. ⁶ But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!"

⁷ The manna was like coriander seed and looked like resin. ⁸ The people went around gathering it, and then ground it in a handmill or crushed it in a mortar. They cooked it in a pot or made it into cakes. And it tasted like something made with olive oil. ⁹ When the dew settled on the camp at night, the manna also came down.

¹⁰ Moses heard the people of every family wailing, each at the entrance to his tent. The LORD became exceedingly angry, and Moses was troubled. ¹¹ He asked the LORD, "Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me? ¹² Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth? Why do you tell me to carry them in my arms, as a nurse carries an infant, to the land you promised on oath to their forefathers? ¹³ Where can I get meat for all these people? They keep wailing to me, 'Give us meat to eat!' ¹⁴ I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. ¹⁵ If this is how you are going to treat me, put me to death right now—if I have found favor in your eyes—and do not let me face my own ruin."

³¹ Now a wind went out from the LORD and drove quail in from the sea. It brought them down all around the camp to about three feet above the ground, as far as a day's walk in any direction. ³² All that day and night and all the next day the people went out and gathered quail. No one gathered less than ten homers. Then they spread them out all around the camp. ³³ But while the meat was still between their teeth and before it could be consumed, the anger of the LORD burned against the people, and he struck them with a severe plague. ³⁴ Therefore the place was named Kibroth Hattaavah, because there they buried the people who had craved other food.

In this passage, the Israelites are complaining about their circumstances. Life had seemed so much better before they were left to wander in the wilderness. They were probably hot, tired, and hungry. Tired of eating manna. They just wanted a simple request--meat. God could easily provide that, even in the midst of the desert. So they started to complain. I can imagine them before Moses, thinking that just a taste of meat would be a simple request. The thought must have eventually consumed them.

Usually, this is how I see complaining in my own life. Things are not quite up to my expectations, so I pick and prod to get things done. It's just a simple thing I need, I tell myself. It doesn't even really matter. I must admit that my husband tends to get most of my complaining. After all, if I don't complain, things may not be done quite right. Eventually, the thoughts tend to well up inside, and I dwell on them far too long. However, I still tend to push it aside and think that it really isn't that big of a deal.

But after hearing our pastor's sermon, it struck me that complaining really is significant. When my expectations are not met, I linger on that fact and think, poor little me. I complain in order to weasel my way into having my expectations met. At this point, I'm not only being selfish and petty, but more importantly, I am becoming my own god. I'm essentially saying that I know how to do things better than God concerning the things in my life, and I want control. I want what's best for me.

I found it striking about the name Kibroth-hattaavah. It literally translates into graves of craving. What a vivid image! The devastation caused by their disobedience left many dead. I can almost picture the graves of those who rallied against God's wisdom for their lives in the wilderness, and dying after receiving what they thought was best. And to think, I'm so much like them!

It's astoundingly comforting to know that our Lord knows what's best for our lives. I know that I cannot understand His ways many times, and complaining seems like the easiest route to try to gain control. But I know that I shouldn't complain--it is sin. God is orchestrating every detail of my life, and I need to rest in that fact. Complaining certainly will not get me anywhere, so I must be content and trust in the Lord